I find myself in a very "weird" place right now. Actually, I don't really know where my "place" is.
Right now, the majority of my friends are around 10 years older than me, or around 10 years younger than me. I love my friends so much and I'm so thankful for them, but I don't always know where I "fit".
There are times when I can't relate to my older friends, who are all parents, and the things that they are going through with raising a family. There are times when I can't relate to my younger friends, who are single and in college, and they things that they are facing. And, there isn't really anyone around that can relate to me and what I'm going through either.
Have you ever felt so alone even though you are surrounded by people? Sometimes I can be in a crowded room, full of people that I know and love, and feel like I just don't belong.
I was riding in the car yesterday just having myself a big 'ole pity party. Pouting about all of this and feeling really down and sorry for myself. Then, the Holy Spirit brought to mind something that Miss Beth said in the Bible Study I'm doing...
"Nothing will steal your contentment like self-absorption"
OUCH!!
Isn't that so true?!?! She also says "there is a powerful masquerading misery maker living inside of each of us". And, just like Jesus called to Lazarus to "come out" of the tomb, He is calling us to come out of the "tomb of self".
I know that I don't want to live in this tomb of self and I want to "come out"!! What about you?
Oh God, would you help me to keep my eyes off of myself and pointed only on You. You are THE source of joy, peace and contentment. Please rid me of myself, Jesus. I'm desperate for You...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Tomb...
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Faith-
ReplyDeleteI know exactly where you are talking about....Thanks so much for being transparent and sharing your heart...PLEASE KNOW that I am praying for you daily and I pray that the Lord will bless you soon with a family...I am fighting for you in prayer...Hang in there and hold true to the promises He has given us AND know that this is for only a season...
I pray that our mighty Lord will fill you with His love and cast out the lies of loneliness that evil has put inside your heart.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way sometimes. Thank you for this terrific post.
ReplyDeleteWOW! I have read so many blog posts today that I can relate to, and this is one of them!!! I am going through the same thing and feeling all the same emotions, Faith!!! And you are NOT along. Love you, girl!!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean. I have one child and now am struggling through infertility with the second child. Most of my friends either have 2 or more children or have none and are struggling through infertility. So yes I feel alone sometimes but like you said I want to come out of the "tomb of self".
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful post and I am praying for God to bless you and your husband with a child.
Girl I can totally feel you pain - I dont think I'm there right now, but I've been there before -- I will be lifting you up in prayer!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh Faith - this post is for ME (sorry all you others- haha!)... but I promise you - I just told my husband this weekend that I dont "fit" anywhere... all the women my age have families & all the "mom's" stick together exchanging stories of their childs latest thing... I love the older women who have experience, but they talk of their grandchildren & the lives they've led that I still WANT to lead... I'm in such an unusual place myself... We, women who dont have children, are a small crowd... one that I dont think others really think about amongst all the conversations...
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post... if anything, to know I'm not alone..
Love you. Pity party and all.
ReplyDeleteI definitely can relate. My church is amazing, however it is primarily a college ministry, so I end up hanging with people 10-5 years younger than me. I am almost 30, but I am single so I fit in with them on that facet, but most of my Christian friends my age are married with kids, and while we are the same age it seems we are miles apart. I know I am blessed and I love my friends but I definitely long for people who are my age and in the same stage of life.
ReplyDeletesome days i think my permanent address is on lonely street. thanks for being real, sharing like that is not always easy, and i understand and empathize with what you're going through. must be why you've been on my heart the last few days, i've been praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI felt that way the first 10 years of my marriage. It was not until I was in my 30s that I actually felt like I fit. I got married young and all of my friends were single and in college. The church we served in all the women were older and had kids. Our first pastorite I was younger than all the women and the Pastor's wife. I totally get where you are. Hang in there. God will help you fit in just the right place.
ReplyDeleteYep, when I read that it hit me right between the eyes, too. I have this sermon by Tim Keller that talks about Pride and how self absorption is so prideful. Oh it's so hard to stay out of that tomb!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain Faith. Know too well this feeling! But wow, what a reality check! I wrote that quote down! Thanks for sharing your heart! You might see a version of it on my blog sometime soon! ;o)
ReplyDeleteLove you Faith. Love the way you are honest and real. Love the heart you have for the Lord.
ReplyDeletePraying that some "just right" friends come into your life (even though I know you LOVE the sweet friends you already have!). But it's nice to have friends who are right at the same life stage as you are. No one can relate to you like they can!
I am totally right there with you! I have been praying that God would give me and my husband some friends for life that are our age. Feeling alone is a tough thing. Take heart!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any great friends where I live now! I moved about 4 years ago. I have friends but not hang out friends. I also know about the struggles with infertility! It is so very hard!! Trying for #2 and praying that we are successful again with clomid. I saw your post below about owls!! I love them too!! My son just turned 1 and he had an owl themed party!! I posted them not to long ago on my blog!!
ReplyDeleteWow....Beth is so powerful...Well, I mean JESUS is powerful, but Beth puts it into such beautiful words.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!
Such powerful words Faith!!
ReplyDeleteI too have felt the same way you are feeling...and I am praying daily that He will take that hurt, confusion, and want AWAY :) Praying for you too!
i am in the middle right now too. something I have been dealing with this past week. older, younger but no one currently available to walk with me now.
ReplyDeleteand on top of that...i just had a small pity party over something silly....then i read this post and perspective is made clear, joy is restored and I think to myself... "yes, this is why I love you so much Father..'
I love you friend and needed this RIGHT NOW at 8.46 pm.
WOW Faith, I have so been right in this same place, but just today I placed a HUGE issue completely in God's hands. Something I should have done a long time ago. There is such peace in Him. I had to quit trying to control the situation and completely relinquish all control to Him, and now there is peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm desperate for Him as well.
Love you friend,
Dawn
I don't know how I missed this post, but I'm certain God knew that I needed it today.
ReplyDeleteLove you, girl!
I've been there before and still have moments of feeling like I don't fit in. Perspective is so important when dealing with difficult situations in life. I love the comparison between Lazarus and us...thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWow, Faith, excellent thoughts to hear and live by. I love Beth's words about a "powerful masquerading misery maker..." Isn't it the truth!
ReplyDeleteI want to keep my eyes fixed only on Jesus, too.
I found your blog through Kellys Korner and what drew me to look at it was your title. I love your honesty and vulnerability. I struggled with infertility for two years in my late 20's and I don't ever forget those feelings of despair and longing. I pray you will feel close to Jesus as He walks with you through this. I will be praying for you today.
ReplyDeleteAnother great quote along the lines of this one you ended this post with is this: "Comparison is the thief of joy". I often struggle with jealousy on many different levels--especially when I start comparing blessings.
Be blessed today knowing that your Heavenly Father is wild about you!
Warmly,
Dana Hope
Wow, what a great post!!! I can totally identify with these emotions and really needed a reminder right now. Thanks for sharing...I'm always praying for you my friend! :)
ReplyDelete